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Coffee, Chocolate, and Men.... some things are better rich.
Vegetarian - Ancient word for lousy hunter.
I Don't Eat Anything With A Face.
Trees Don't Grow On Money Either.
Maybe If We Ignore The Environment It Will Just Go Away.
Freedom is the distance between Church and State.
When The Rapture Comes - Can I have your car?
Good cowgirls keep their calves together.
Thank God Ford doesn't make airplanes. - (seen on a Ford Escort, in Seattle, home of Boeing)
Warning! Driver is legally blonde.
(Revised) Visualize Your Turn Signal TURNING OFF!
What if the hokey pokey IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!
Take a bite out of crime. It tastes like chicken.
Frankly my dear, I don't want a dam. (Seattle)
I brake for Tailgaters.
Work For World Peace - Or We'll Bomb You.
Ex-lovers makes good speed bumps.
You're a pane in my glass.
Motor Home Bumper Sticker: Don't Tailgate Or I'll Flush!
Stable Relationships Are For Horses.
Organized Crime Is Alive And Well; It's Called Auto Insurance.
Boldly going nowhere.
CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!
Don't be sexist - broads hate that.
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch.
"Filthy Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad".
"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair".
"I Speak Fluent Patriarchy But It's Not My Mother Tongue".
"I Used Up All My Sick Days So I Called In Dead".
"Husband and Cat Lost -- Reward for Cat".
"Be Nice to Your Children -- They'll Pick Your Nursing Home".
"Husbands Should Come With Instructions".
"Even If You Lead a Good Life, Go to Church and Say Your Prayers, You'll Still Go to St. Louis When You Die".
"I Want It All and I Want It Delivered".
"Life Is Hard; Then You Nap".
"Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam".
"Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same".
"I'm Not Suddenly a Dirty Old Man -- I've Been Practicing Since 1943".
"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton".
"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt".
"Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes - Use Birth Control".
"60-Year-Old One Owner Needs Parts Make Offer".
"I Was Once a Millionaire But My Mom Gave Away My Baseball Cards".
"If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees".
"If You Can Read This, Thank a Teecher".
"A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic".
"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!".
"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up".
"My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink".
"I Yell Because I Care".
"If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There".
"Procrastinate Now".
"Rehab Is for Quitters".
"Re-Elect Nobody".
"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse -- He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse".
"My Dog Can Lick Anyone".
"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?".
"When the Going Gets Tough, Use Duct Tape".
"Sleep with a Photographer and Watch Things Develop".
"Young at Heart -- Slightly Older in Other Places".
(Over a sketch of the Titanic) "The Boat Sank. Get Over It".
"I Didn't Drive My Husband Crazy -- I Flew Him There -- It Was Faster"
"Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups"
(On a baby-size shirt) "Party -- My Crib -- Two A.M."
"I Don't Suffer from Insanity -- I'm a Carrier"
"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since I Was 15"
"El Nino Made Me Do It"
"The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Car"
"Aunt Em: Hate You. Hate Kansas. Taking the Dog. Dorothy"
I got this Pick-up Truck for my Wife; Good Trade, Eh
EARTH IS FULL GO HOME
THIS WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY IF IT WEREN'T HAPPENING TO ME.
SO MANY PEDESTRIANS SO LITTLE TIME
I USED TO BE DISGUSTED NOW I'M JUST AMUSED
CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT
IF WE QUIT VOTING WILL THEY ALL GO AWAY?
THE FACE IS FAMILIAR BUT I CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER MY NAME
HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS...STILL DIES
EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, DIE ANYWAY
ILLITERATE? WRITE FOR HELP
HONK IF ANYTHING FALLS OFF
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
HE WHO HESITATES IS NOT ONLY LOST BUT MILES FROM THE NEXT EXIT
I REFUSE TO HAVE A BATTLE OF WITS WITH AN UNARMED PERSON
THIS ISN'T MY IDEA OF A GOOD TIME
IT'S BEEN LOVELY BUT I HAVE TO SCREAM NOW
UNIQUELY MALADJUSTED BUT FUN
THIS BUMPER STICKER EXPLOITS ILLITERATES
MINIMUM WAGE FOR POLITICIANS
WHERE ARE WE GOING AND WHY AM I IN THIS HAND BASKET?
I HAVEN'T LOST MY MIND IT'S BACKED UP ON DISK SOMEWHERE
OH, EVOLVE!
GONE CRAZY BE BACK SHORTLY
IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION
I DO WHATEVER MY RICE KRISPIES TELL ME TO
If you can read this, you are close enough to be eaten.
This is not a bomb.
I swerve and hit people randomly.
Life is short. Don't be a dick.
Starlight Starbright, where the hell is Mr. Right
To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group
I majored in Liberal Arts. Would you like fries w/that.
I majored in Philosophy. Would you like fries w/that.
I want my man to have a VCR: Very Cute Rear
I have PMS and a gun. Did you have something to say?
I haven't found Mr. Right, but I have found Mr. Cheap, Mr. Sleazy and Mr. Wrong
It's *Miss* Bitch to you.
I am so good in bed that when I have sex even the neighbors need a cigarette.
I'm immature, unorganized, irresponsible, lazy, and LOUD... but I'm FUN.
Give me a quarter or I'll touch you!
I am so broke, I can't even pay attention.
I am not *a* BITCH... I am *the* BITCH.
I was put on this planet to make your life miserable.
I'm in touch with my inner bitch.
What's wrong? I do what the voices in my head tell me.
Looking for Mr. Right (*crossed out*) Mr. Wonderful (*crossed out*) Mr. Coffee!
In God we trust. All others we monitor.
Half of the people in the world don't have the sense God gave a rock. The other half do.
The nuns made me dress this way.
I used to be indecisive, but then again maybe not.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Clones are people two.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Eschew obfuscation.
Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Editing is a rewording activity.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
My reality check just bounced.
Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
Nuke the unborn gay female whales on drugs.
Friends Don't let friends ... Vote Republican.
Honk if you ARE Jesus!
Test peace, not nuclear weapons.
How would your driving be with that phone stuck up your ....?
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
She who laughs.... lasts.
If I can't be trusted with a choice, how can I be trusted with a kid?
Don't drink and drive - you might spill your drink.
Turn signal broke - watch for finger!
Mean people suck - Nice people lick.
My other car is a piece of shit, too!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock.
Do you want to talk to the boss or the one who knows what's going on?
E. coli Happens.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
I souport publik edekasion.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car....
If you can read this, you cannot be a New York City Cab Driver!
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Montana - At least our cows are sane!
My kid beat up your honor student.
No Radio - Already Stolen.
Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
REHAB is for quitters.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
When you do a good deed get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Wink, I'll do the rest!
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
If you drink, don't park.
Accidents cause people.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!


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